Billions of blue blistering barnacles...Thundering ..err...Birds!

"Happy Thumping sir"...what!!! did I hear it right...did he just say.. "Happy Humping"!!! who talks like that..they are not throwing in the plastic free with it are they!. I looked at the mechanic with a startled look and he gave an all knowing look with a grin...what does he mean by it?..Does he know what I am thinking. I just stared and I guess he could see confusion written all over my face and said "Happy THUMPING sir"..oh Thump..phew.

Thump Thump...gotta remember that..must be the secret code...I turned around and saw another bloke idling his bike. "Nice thump" and he said "Thanks man...got my cast iron tuned to cancel the vibrations...the t shaped exhaust now compresses the outflow to produce the definitive thump enhanced by the wheel pad". I was just staring at his leather boots by now thinkin what could I say to something I really dint understand and still appear cool enuf to thump. Looked up, quivered my lips, made the wolf sign and jus nodded...he nodded too!! ha ha ha...oh man..he nodded! I was makin progress already!..wow!!!...ahem..

I was about to walk away when he asked "So which RE do you ride"...oh no...not another jargon..makin a fair guess said "TBTS" and he replied "ah..you are one of the new generation...welcome aboard...". I walked away makin mental notes: leather boots, leather jacket, tatoos ..no tatoos..too painful, harsh voice, no smile...I can handle that..

I walked back to the mechanic who was by now convinced I was not upto it. He had got another greased up friend of his next to him who handed me the keys and asked me to 'feel the ride'..alright..stay calm..'feel the ride'..hmmmm...I ran my hands from the tank till the edge of the seat and said "feels good"...blank stares...alright alright..settle down..I can handle this...so I sat on the bike and turned the keys and hit the self starter...the two mechanics stared at each other with absolute shock on their faces...by now I knew I had done the gravest mistake...what what...one of them turned around and switched off the engine and said 'kick'. Did I buy the bike with his money or mine...whatever...two against one was not a good proposition...so I kicked and the 'ride' lurched ahead like a horse on viagra...OH MY GOD...END OF THE WORLD...ARMAGEDDON..shivering by now, turned to the mechanic who reminded me of the high school principal ... "put it to neutral ... 'sir' "...this is hell...I can feel it..so I set it to neutral and kicked and the ride came to life...couldn't help but smile and saw the mechanics smile back as well...wow...it really does bring people together..turned the throttle and felt the bike shake...'take her for a ride sir...feel the ride'...ok boss..if you ask, I can even lick your boots clean...anyways...turned the throttle once more, stared ahead and made a mental sketch of the path I was going to ride..ok..no stones, no people, no cows...looks good..lets go..but wait...what's the gear combination in this one...too afraid to ask my master of such trivial questions, I put it to first gear somehow and made my way along the path safely and parked the bike back next to my master...did I pass the test master...am I worthy of possessing her..eh..he handed over the papers and as a final parting words said 'Welcome to the royal enfield community sir...ride safe'...now that felt good..

So I thumped along the road maintaining 40 kph and letting everyone pass me...one girl behind her father looked back..now that has never happened!! I felt the father accelerated to get away..I also accelerated but my master's words 'First 1000 kms, don't drive above 40' struck me and I had to slow down...she turned back ahead and vanished...who cares...I am the thump now man...next I parked at a signal and let the engine run (the first kick's psychological bruise still had not worn out)..young kid in the next car put his head out and said 'thud thud thud'..before I could smile, his mother pulled him inside, barked something in malyali and brought the glass up...what the hell was that..what's with mallus and bullets..thought its the best bike to carry their coconuts around !...well its been a crazy hour afterall. Diagnally across the mallus, two gals were on a scooty lookin bored...I turned the throttle again almost full and one of them turned back...I was now talkin the secret language of love!!..man this is great.

Like any good Indian family boy, I first wanted to go to Ganesha temple and get the puja done...so I made my way slowly getting used to the ride and parked in front of Dodda Ganesha temple in bull temple road..there was maddening crowd and I was trying to squeeze in my bike when one aunty shouted "Ishtu dhod dhod bike na thogondbidthare eegin kalad hudugru..sumne namgella thondre...mundemaklu..thuuuu" (literal translation: such big big bikes buy nowadays youth...trouble for us......spit spit)...not able to control my anger due to immense humiliation so far, I shouted "Nimgintha anthu dappakkilla bidi ee biku...nimganda henge handle maadtharo nimna...ha ha" (literal translation: bike is not as fat as you...don't know how your husband handles you...ha ha). Aunty made her face twist in unimaginable angles, turned and walked away cursing under her breath...elated at the triumph at the battle of the sexes, I bought flowers and lemon and waited for the priest. The humble priest looked at the bike once and at me and said something under his breath and started some puja...he showered the bike with Arshana and Kunkuma and I was thinking man its dirtying the bike..dont do it!!. He asked me to place two lemons under each tyre and drive over it. So I placed the lemon neatly under each tyre, started the bike, put the first gear and slowly tried to drive over but the bike switched off. The crowd behind, mainly taxi drivers, laughed...dammn..what more should I go through. I started again and tried to drive over but the lemons rolled off to one side. By now the taxi drivers were getting worked up and a huge groan "Ayyyyaaaaa...yavonri yunu" (literal translation: Ayyyyyaaaa...who's this I say). I turned back and one of them lifted his hand and pointed at me and shook his head as if telling me this is your last chance or else. So ran behind the lemons, picked it up and placed neatly under each tyre. By now I was getting into the zone..the noise around seem to vanish and there was absolute silence...everything seemed to move in slow motion..held the handle bars and lifted one leg high up in the air and sat on the bike. Then looked at lord Ganesha once and started the bike to a thundering roar..clutch, gear, accelerator and voila!..I had squeezed the juice out of the damn lemons...I had reached the high point when one of the drivers hit on my back and said "Aith aithu...yethu bike na...saku manege hogu" (literal translation: ok ok...lift the bike..enough go home)...being brought back to the harsh reality, I drove home for an eventful start...
***Story is fictional but I did buy a Bullet Thunderbird :) ***

The great walls of life...

While I write this I am extremely irritated, pissed off, angry and just about any other synonym you can think of..I am irritated about our ways of lives in India and just about anywhere in the world..our way of building boundaries around ourselves and others.From the time we are born, we are given boundaries...we are given a name, a religion, a caste and even a bloody subcaste. We are given a god to pray, a bunch of good-for-nothing relatives called family and even given a rule book on how to lead an ideal life. From an open and free world that you are born into, by
the time you reach your senses, you are given this small space in which you 'should' live, earn, pray, be satisfied and finally die.

Some may argue that all the boundaries form our identity but today I call it robbery of our freedom of choice. All is well until the day you try to break a boundary when all hell's gonna break loose. All your good-for-nothing relatives and just about anybody in the boundary will jump up and down with their fingers up their .. well..we all think differently man...I believe its natural for everyone to want to break a boundary or two as they learn more about themselves and the world. When I think about it, I am not irritated about the boundaries as such; they are nothing but an average of all the ideal ways of leading a life...what I do not like is the lack of freedom to deviate from the average. Why are people so afraid to break their boundaries? Is this not how progress happens...why are people happy to stick to the 'rules' set down by others? why don't we let our children make their decisions and choose the life they want? Why?

One reason that stands out for me is the fear of losing. This is the single most dominant reason why people cannot and will not allow to break boundries.Fear of losing family, fear of losing money, fear of losing social respect, the list is endless. The fear of breaking away from the rules to tread into unknown waters takes a lot of will which most people lack. I can't blame them though but have to blame their upbrining. As a kid, you are always told to not do things rather than try and experience things. You are told not to jump, not to go near water, not to touch the dog, not to run, not to blah bhah blah...the result, fear becomes a part of your DNA.

Humans are primarily community animals and not independant creatures. We need communities to survive. We need constant human interaction to lead our lives.Community by definition is group of people driven by a common purpose towards a common goal. The boundaries unfortunately are the default communities you are assigned to when you are born. Smaller the community higher the security and a sense of belonging and hence higher the number of boundaries. So, we need boundaries then. But, the default boundaries cannot completely provide what it promises, a purpose, a goal and a sense of belonging. These can be obtained
only when you break the default boundaries and build your own boundaries; go out and find communities in whose purpose you truly belive in, in whose goals you want to reach and in whose people you feel a sense of belonging; go out and create your own communities that people want to use as their boundaries.

What I want atleast our generation and the generations to come is to gather the will and strength to break away unrealistic smaller boundaries and create broader communities with a higher purpose. Do not be afraid to take risks in finding your communities or creating new ones. Do not have the fear of
losing...in life sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are not..in the end, the race is with yourself. Don't be judgemental, accept differences and lead a fuller life.

I feel better having thrown my thoughts out but quite frankly I am not sure what I was getting at. All I know and understand is that default boundaries have started to suffocate me a bit.

Single gays..oops..guys and valentine days !

Ah..being single !...the feeling of freedom is unmistakable..the relationship status which allows you to booze till end of time without getting disturbed on phone every 15 minutes, which allows YOU to buy anything YOU want till YOUR money runs out, which allows you to ruffle up your hair just so that you can feel the cold wind on the scalp, which allows you to drool at every gal on the road without remorse, which allows you to jump up and down when you are happy without being told to 'behave yourself', which allows you to look at every one with the same respect without being told 'dont ever talk to her'...or is it?

...picture this..the new year's eve is approaching and you see ads of parties everywhere..they are announcing on the radio, they hav big billboards everywhere and everyone's talking about the best party in town. So, you think why not I go for one of them and catch up with some of your other single friends (the ones who are not hav already bought couple passes to the party in speedzone you see) and make a grand plan..meet up at around 7 in the evening at someone's place, drive down to Nyk's lounge and party till midnight (somewhere deep inside you also hav this optimism that you will meet some gal in the party and live happily ever after..some of you who are a little dirty on top dont want to live happily ever after but only for that night !). So on the D day the plan is perfectly executed and there you are staring at the top floor of Nyk's with your best party shirt and newly bought Joop perfume. You see lots of 'babes' going into the club and already looking for the one you might get lucky with. So you go to the entrance and BANG ... the plan which has been executed perfectly so far just falls apart..the bouncer at the entrance says 'Couples Only'..so there you are heart-broken standing and looking at each other thinking wat to do now (you cant help but get the idea that you can announce yourselves as 'gay couples'...but being middle class desi's, you give up on such flamboyant ideas)...so you decide to try a pub instead and go to one on Church street and BANG..its the same story again ! everywhere you go, you are treated like having some sort of quarantine disease. Feeling extremely dejected, you head for a dhabha on Kanakapura road and there you are..4 or 5 single guys drinkin beer on a new year's eve.

Feb 1st: the first ad on radio throws you back to reality (after the horrible new year's night, you would have returned to normal life..in other words a life where you are thinking about making big in your project, meeting deadlines, travelling and generally spending lots of money on useless stuff)..the ad says 'buy diamonds to your loved ones this valentine...come to Asmi'. the feeling of loneliness returns and you just brush it aside saying to yourself 'wat the heck man...I am doing very well now..it doesn't matter'.

Feb 6th: by this time there are ads of valentine day everywhere...it starts consuming you and you are no longer strong..the project achievements, all the travel to US and Europe, all the bhav others are giving you suddenly feels like nothing. So, even though you appear as if everything's cool, you are thinking about wat to do on Feb 14th. So, you catch up with your single friends and generally bring up the topic of valentine day (you first want make sure that none of them have any plans !...i mean that would be disastrous...at times like these, you want to know that there are others of your clan). the guys are also trying to act cool like you and brush away the thoughts.

Feb 10th: you are thinking about the gals you have a remote chance of hitting out with. your other single friends start giving news about other single guys who have found someone in the meantime. you sit and bitch about them saying 'how can he get one da...I mean how did he do it'..well even though you know the answer you dont want to face it now ! you are feeling the pressure and every once in a while someone will ask about your plans for valentine day which adds more pressure..you curse under your breath and move on. Some of them try to show some sympathy and say 'How can you not have a Valentine !'. Now, dont underestimate this casual statement...wat you say next will decide whether this guy's gonna say that next year as well ! (face it man..wat you think anything's gonna be different next year..duh..you are born for this) I mean if he thinks you are good enuf to have a date this year, he bloody better think that next year as well...so you have to balance the fact that you are cool on one hand but did not find time to get a date 'this year' (it should appear as if only this year, you did not find a date...i told you its not simple !). So you start of saying 'Yeah man, I guess not so lucky THIS year' (don't forget to stress the word 'THIS')...then you say 'I also had some other travel plans which was cancelled at the last moment' (look man..sometimes you gotta lie ok..well its a globalized world ..wat might be a lie today might not be one tommorow..its like investing in stocks..you invest today to reap benefits tommorow !)...finally for the sucker punch 'well its ok you know..I am planning to spend some time with a friend who recently broke up' (see this will create curiosity in the other guy..he will leave thinking 'hmmm well this guy's not having a date but who is this friend??'... ;)))

Feb 13th: you have not found the courage to even ask the gal of her plans..you just let it be. Everytime you think about asking, purposefully you have made yourself busy and avoided the situation...on this day you tell yourself 'Oh man..I wish I wasn't so busy..I could have done something...anyways its ok, there's always next time'..don't get me wrong but you are feeling like a worm deep inside horse shit.

Feb 14th: there you are, the king of cool, stretched out on your sofa watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S showing episodes of valentine day...the episode ends with Rachael kissing Ross and you feel the unmistakable feeling of 'man it sucks' !

P.S: If you think this sucks, wait for the post 'Committed guys and valentine days'...like they say, grass always appear greener on the other side, any side !